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Original Air Date: February 10, 1985 Review completed February 12, 2006 "My Aged Valentine" Valentine's Day is approaching, and everyone seems excited; except for Punky, who's not too pleased with the attentions she's been getting from Conrad. After she rewards a kiss with a good punch to the eye, Punky is warned that she's end up old and alone if she doesn't warm up to the idea of couplehood. She has a dream about this; one where she's still living with a 140-year-old Henry while everyone else has married. Henry re-assures her that it's not that immediate of a decision, and Punky decides to have Henry as her Valentine this year. And this episode? I had a certain fondness for it too, and I've quoted one particular exchange from it several times, off-line and on. But for some reason, before I cued up the episode, I couldn't think of a single thing to write as an introduction. Not a good sign. By the end, I figured out what it was. There's good parts, and the dialogue people had some good inspiration at a few points, but the episode is pretty boring when taken as a whole. Well, the episode barrels right into the main plot in seconds, so how about I do the same? Punky being a boy-hater in this episode is quite alright with me; it makes a certain amount of sense, with her being both a tomboy and someone still dealing with large personal loss. And it's not like Conrad gets the message all that quickly anyways; he doesn't seem to catch on very quickly to the fact that Punky's ice-cold to his advances. (Okay guys, admit it; we've all done that, haven't we?) I've got to give a shout-out to the scene where Conrad gets clonked; as we'll see later on, phsyical violence of any kind is just not happening on this show, so instead, we get Punky promising a sweet surprise to her hapless admirer and then cut to a black-eyed and surprised Conrad. Ooh, that's gotta hurt. Really, though, the scene works all the better for not showing the punch anyway; does anyone else really think that Soleil Moon Frye would've thrown all that convincing a punch this early? Yeah. It probably doesn't hurt that the aftermath has one of my favourite quotes in the show's history in it: HENRY: Punky! Is it true that you blackened a boy's eye? PUNKY: Yes, but I didn't mean to; it was an accident! HENRY: [looking confused] It was? PUNKY: Yes. You see, I was trying to split his lip; but he moved his head. That does not need an explanation. Moving along... I really don't know what to think of Mrs. Morton in this episode; it's like she's going insane or something. Okay, she likes Valentine's Day, we get it. But her conversation with Henry in particular kind of makes her look like a female Pepe Le Pew after a lobotomy. Yes, I type this knowing full well that the teacher's always been batty, but you don't know whether to laugh or go "What?!" after most of her lines. George Gaynes' reaction shots are priceless, though; really, that's about how I'd react. Watching the scene with the apologies, I can't help but think that Punky gets away with murder there. First of all, she's got nerves of steel to fling a sarcastic retort at Conrad's apology with both her teacher and her foster father standing right there. Second of all, before she bothers to apologize; she gets to give a speech about just being friends. Yeesh. You think Conrad's suffered enough? He gets smacked and then he has to apologize? Bah. (And they're friends? How come we've never seen him before?) And then we smack right into one of those scenes that makes Jimmy rant. I realize that most of the scene where Margaux lectures Punky on the great social ramifications of not planning your life in your early pre-teens is meant to be blatantly ridiculous so that the kiddies can get that this isn't the kind of thing that you should listen to. But why, why, why does no one point out the obvious point that Henry is unmarried? It's a very minor point when compared to, say, Henry missing the obvious in "Bye Bye My", but this one bugs me so very much because not only does it leads to one of those endings where Henry explains everything like a wise old hermit, but the episode never does go into any kind of argument as to why "alone" wouldn't be a bad thing. More on this later. Going into the dream; the whole thing has a campy, "we're just hawking around" kind of feel to it. I suppose the best comparison would be the flashback scenes out of [i]The Golden Girls[/i], where all of the cast members would have wigs and younger clothes and expect the audience to just go along with it. It's the same thing, really; put the kids in rubber masks and old dresses and try not to notice that they're at least two feet shorter than your average adult. Punky's older alter-ego even gets a little build-up, and I'll admit that the costuming is pretty good here. The acting side of the aging...well, it's a little hit-or-miss. Soleil visibly forgets a few times that she's supposed to be slow and (for some reason) sporting a slight accent, and so we get a few pretty quick movements out of the old gal, and one VERY noticable line done normal-voiced [lisen during the final minute or so, to "When did this all happen?"]. Cherie is (just as inexpicably) buried in a fat suit, so the movement thing isn't much of an issue, but her old voice seems to be more even. Casey Ellison gets to be half-deaf, so he definitely talks the talk, and moves very old too. As for Ami Foster... well, she gets to stay pretty young, explained by a good one-liner. George Gaynes, meanwhile, is 140 (!), so he gets to have some nigh-Einstein-ish hair and fall asleep a lot. I'm just amazed that he makes 140, really. That is just a funky concept. Odd technical thing here; all of the dream scenes are overlayed with a white filter. It must have looked pretty decent at the time, but on the aged-and-restored DVD version, it looks like all of the characters (particularly Henry) are glowing. Seriously, I've got one of those scenes on pause right now, and Henry has a visible aura around him, like something out of Dragonball Z where they build power for an hour and then throw punches for six episodes. Nothing bad, just one of the after-effects of trying to restore a series from 1984 videotape. Then... well, there's no surprises, not a one. A few age jokes, bringing the point home that Punky fears being old and alone, and then Henry walks in on the ruckus to set the record straight and (ever so briefly) point out his own example. So what the heck happened? Part of it what I saw go astray was the pacing. There's a bit of a visible join between the school scenes and the dream sequence; from the frantic pace of some parts of both, I'd say that both were written with far more material than the episode could use and then were cut down with pruning shears. A little bit of it goes to the writers as well, who use more than a few good one-liners and situations in the first half, then cop-out during the dream with jokes about age and weight that are probably older than some of the characters. But the thing that really rankles me is the resolution, which solves everything with a fairly one-sided speech and a cute moment. There's nothing wrong with Punky choosing Henry as a valentine; I'd say it makes a lot of sense given everything that's happened to her in the last six months or so. But the way of wrapping things up reminds me of a fairly abrasive review given to the Season Two boxset by the good people at DVDVerdict.com. Within it, they made a good point that the best kid's programs have the kids come up with the solutions to their crises. I don't think that that's necessarily true (especially as that line of thinking has given rise to the clueless, bumbling dad of modern television that I absolutely LOATHE), but I don't think it was meant as a general statement anyways; it was written with times like this in mind where the kids don't seem to get anything out of their experiences until the parent spoon-feeds them a lesson. I don't mind if the parents teach a bit, but if Punky's so smart and resorceful, why is nothing in the back of her mind telling her that there's something off-kilter with that thinking? Particularly with Henry, a single man, as guardian and role model. I could go on a bit, but the bottom line is that I don't buy that Punky's fear of lonliness is enough to totally override her common sense. I feel almost bad for chainsawing this episode up so much, but upon further review, it is lacking. There's some fun to be had, and it starts fairly strong, but the finish doesn't look so great. I'll have to pass on this one again; it's just gotten a little old for me. - Jimmy Vibes Do the click |