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Listen now, and listen well. I have seen the plight of the people, and hereby hand down these commandments, to be obeyed strictly and swiftly. I do this that children's television may learn from its past, and that the medium I love may yet prosper and run Japanese animation and reality television out of a job. Unto you are presented:  1: Thou shalt not use thy family entertainment as a tool to preach messages or campaign with the subtlety of forged steel upon thy temple.  2: Thou shalt live a clean and pleasent lifestyle, or at least have the decency to keep thine shame behind closed doors.  3: Thou shalt at least attempt intelligible dialouge, lest thine art made to look as a fool before the network audiences.  4: Thou shalt not cause thy supervising adult viewers to retch more times an hour than the number of fingers upon a mill worker's hands.  5: Thou shalt not harken the words of the scoffers, for they shalt make unjust and sexually suggestive comments about thine hosts.  6: Thou shalt not make inexpicable cartoon spin-offs of perfectly good live-action shows and expect to reap a margin of profit.  7: Thou shalt not cheat and claim that thy show has "Canadian content" so that thou may force thine Canadian networks to play it without ceasing.  8: Thou shalt not have professional wrestlers perform non-existant lyrics to video game music, lest thy tarnish his legacy.  9: Thou shalt not flood thy show with twins numerous enough to make thy airtime look as if a multiplication lesson has erupted.  10: Thy sidekicks shalt remain sidekicks, for gross over-marketing is surely a sign of the Devil below.  11: Thou shalt not produced animated shows if thy name is Ted Turner. Between the children's show and CNN, there is a great gulf fixed, and it shalt remain that way, thank you.  12: Thou shalt not continue to refer to a child star by their character name lo unto the end of their days.  13: Thou shalt not insult the intelligence of the children who shalt willingly watch thy blatant toy commercial.  14: Thou shalt not use androids as a character model, for that was a bad idea even in the 80s.  15: Thou shalt not make a notorious stand-up comic thy presenter, if for no other reason than to avoid controversy most unwarranted.  16: Upon mine second thought, just avoid stand-up comics in children's television altogether.  17: Thou shalt not render thy format unrecognizable by adding incredibly bad ideas to thy mix.  18: Thou shalt consider how much censoring is a ridiculous amount when animating thy superhero stories.  19: Thou shalt not adapt movies to series format without reason or clever thought.  20: Thou shalt not touch Mr. Dressup, so try not, lest thy hinder be bested. - Jimmy Vibes |